Finding gratitude and grace in a lovely quote

plaque at new site honoring women at PSU, Portland, Oregon

"Across the curve of the earth, there are women getting up before dawn, in the blackness before the point of light, in the twilight before sunrise, there are women rising earlier than men and children, to break the ice, to start the stove, to put up the pup, the coffee, the rice, to iron the pants, to braid the hair, to pull the day's water up from the well, to boil water for tea, to wash the children for school, to pull the vegetables and start the walk to market, to run to catch the bus for the work that is paid. I don't know when most women sleep."  - Adrienne Rich

I took this picture while in Portland last month. It would have been great for mother's day, but I was really feeling this after reading Eren's post (from This Vintage Chica) for today. My heart goes out to her.

Inspiration, weeding the garden of your mind, gratitude

One night, when my son was just over a year old, I couldn't sleep. I got up and wrote in my diary that I wanted to become the woman I am inspired by. This is not any particular person, it's just who or what I feel inspired by at any given moment. I had watched "Iconoclasts" on the Sundance channel earlier in the evening with the pairing of Ruby Dee and Alicia Keys. I hadn't really ever seen either one of these talented women before, but I found myself thinking about them in the middle of the night, and feeling inspired by them both. "I want to be the woman whom I am inspired by," I wrote. what does this mean to me now? It's led me to be a more conscientious mother. To be more conscious of the choices I make and how they affect my life. To strive to feel good - that means taking care of myself. I'll be a much happier wife and mother if I'm eating healthy and exercising regularly (although the exercise part can be challenging to get to at times). If I'm having an abundance of creativity I feel very inspired. Creativity spawns inspiration and inspiration spawns creativity. It is a wonderful cycle to be in.

I read a short article in Body & Soul magazine from the July/August 2008 issue about a book called Plant, Seed, Pull Weed: Nurturing the Garden of Your Life by Geri Larkin. "Larkin takes readers into her vegetable and flower garden to teach them a few lessons about what our minds and spirits need to thrive. One of the most important tasks? Weeding. 'If you have a garden, you'll get weeds...If you have a mind, you'll get junky thinking.'...So how do you rid yourself of useless, unnecessary thoughts? 'We stop feeding them the fertilizer of attention. As a result, our minds calm down, and as they do, we watch our lives become lighter, happier, and surprisingly more interesting. When the weeds are gone, you'll be amazed at how quickly everything else takes over. Beauty is there, expanding by the minute.'" I snipped this article and posted it on my wall. It's currently above my desk and I look to it whenever my mind is bogged down with negative thinking. It provides the same lovely lift that a gratitude list does and it doesn't cost a cent. It also reminds me to take stock of my life and to stop doing something if it isn't working for me. I partially credit this idea of weeding the mind of junky thinking for all the creativity I've had lately. It's amazing what shows up when my mind isn't cluttered by useless thought. I'm still working on this though.

I feel that lately some of my posts have been less than optimal. I have been a very busy bee working in this little "room of my own" on a big project that I will be able to tell you about in the coming weeks. It is an exciting time for me here, but also a little bit stressful, and this little blog has been taking the backseat lately. I hope to return to it more fully soon, with fresh inspiration.

When I remember to be grateful, I am inspired. So here is my little list of gratitude:

~the feel of old, well-washed linen in my hand

~an organized desk

~a well-taken picture

~packages in the mail

~memories of our trip to Boston (what a lovely city)

~pictures of Tristan when he was a newborn, baby, toddler (it's amazing what can be forgotten. Thank goodness for pictures!)

Green and white

yogurt in a bowl

The Apples for Poppyanne blog has sent me on a green and white treasure hunt this week for her "It begins with a colour..." series. Green and white is about my favorite color combination. I didn't have trouble coming up with too many photos for this one! 

 hydrangea leaf

swinging over grass

loitering fern

hoodlum

green tomatoes

strawberry flower

Lovely song

Ever heard of Gillian Welch? I love this woman's voice. And I like the song Dear Someone a lot. I was listening to it last night as I did dishes and watched my husband and son through the kitchen window washing the cars. These lyrics don't apply to me, but the melody sure does.

Unfortunately, I can't find the full length version online. But here is a sample (click here and then click the "sample" button.) Like a lazy evening on a front porch swing at the end of a Louisiana summer. That's what this song feels like to me.

I want to go all over the world
And start living free
I know that there's somebody who
Is waiting for me
I'll build a boat, steady and true
As soon as it's done
I'm going to sail along in the dreams
Of my dear someone

One little star, smiling tonight
Knows where you are
Stay, little star, steady and bright
To guide me afar
Blow, little wind, over the deep
For now I've begun
Hurry and take me straight into the arms
Of my dear someone
Hurry and take me straight into the arms
Of my dear someone

genny

A growing boy

Tristan with rocks in hands

So far, I've been fairly lucky in terms of parenting a 2-year old. I'd heard when they turn 2, look out. But our little one seemed to have missed that and has been mostly a doll with exception to a few incidents that seemed to occur when he was overly tired. His personality had been changing slowly enough that I could adjust my parenting to work for his changes - at least that's how I see it. But recently, it seems that his personality is changing faster than I can keep up with. As a growing boy he has a certain amount of aggression that I didn't expect. Before I had a child I always assumed that parents would put trucks in boys' hands and dolls in girls' hands. But seeing how my son has grown around these types of toys, I now know I was wrong. Don't get me wrong, he has two dolls and a few stuffed animals and he can be very sweet and nurturing, but he does love his cars and tools. I did not place any truck into my son's hand. He picked the truck up, literally and metaphorically speaking. 

I have thus far felt good about my parenting but sometimes now I forget to listen to my heart or can't hear what it is saying through my frustration. If he's overly tired, he's overly aggressive. The late spring sun is difficult to work in - if it's light outside, it's daytime and he doesn't want to take a bath or go to sleep in the day! People don't sleep in the day, he says (even though he naps every day for 2 1/2 hours!), people sleep at night. "It is night time, but the sun stays up longer in the spring." Well, I'm speaking logic and he doesn't yet speak that language. So, I have to wait for fatigue to come, and it does. He's usually good about bath - it's really not very hard to get him to take one. But last night, after bath, he pulled my hair again! It started with him brushing my hair. I would want to brush his after bath and he wasn't crazy about that idea, so I would let him brush mine to make it an even trade. It was great for a time, then he discovered that he could get a rise out of me when he pulled a little too hard with the comb. That turned into his hand pulling. He seemed to think it was hilarious when I told him it hurt (little monster!) But last night I raised my voice at him and he cried. I felt like a bad mommy. He is growing so fast and I imagine that this is the 2-year old version of adolescence. Sometimes they do things you don't understand, nor perhaps do they, but something compels them to do something not nice, they want to push their limits, see what is possible, see what they can get away with, see what causes a rise in mom or dad, see what they can and cannot do, see if they can do what their imagination can do....on and on.

A few  months back, he woke up one morning itching his hands. When I looked at them they were splotchy red. When the little rash and his itching was still there the next day, we went to see his doctor, who gave us a pretty unsatisfactory answer. Over the next few weeks, the itchy rash disappeared but the skin on both of his hands cracked and then peeled off. Just like a snake. I guess maybe he was just growing out of his skin - literally and metaphorically speaking. Something I have to get used to as his growth becomes exponential.

Now I just have to learn to grow out of mine.

A new look at Jack and Jill, Looking to the past for answers

Lately I have been thinking about how people lived in the past, and how they were naturally more environmentally conscious than we are now because so much less was available. Machines weren't being made for household use yet, chemical companies weren't bombarding us with as many products and grocery stores had maybe one item available for cleaning. Might it have been vinegar? Or baking soda (which I'm finding cleans my sinks way better than the 7th Generation spray I was using)?

Surely, you've heard this:

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water.

Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after.

But have you heard the second stanza?

Then up Jack got and off did trot as fast as he could caper,

to old Dame Dob who patched his knob with vinegar and brown paper.

Why? Because vinegar is antiseptic, and it's been around for quite awhile. There are articles all over the web about this and vinegar's other myriad of uses. I mentioned once before that I am on a path to discover all the lovely things vinegar can do and what it can replace in my home: cleaning products, beauty products and things I can't imagine yet, but looking online can give me direction. I just have to try some of these myself.

One thing I thought it might work with is getting rid of ants. Since the weather has turned warmer, ants have invaded our kitchen and trying to keep them off the countertops and now the floor has not been fun. I looked online and several people said that vinegar can help. I tried it but it doesn't really help. It helps clean the floor, it gets rid of the ants for awhile, but then they return - not immediately, but eventually.

I've been thinking about how my lifestyle has changed lately, hanging clothes instead of machine drying them (by the way, our gas bill was reduced by over $100 the month after I started doing this), holding onto kitchen scraps for the compost, being more conscientious about what I buy and use, and wondering how all of us could look to the past to see how people lived in order to live more in line with the environment today. I'd like to ask anyone reading this right now to think about any "green" thing you do in your life that is not much different than how your grandmother or grandfather (or further back) might have done. Or better yet, something that you remember your grandparents doing that was better for the environment than a current norm. Please send me a comment about anything you come up with.

I think our predecessors were onto something.

The power of positive thinking

geraniums reaching for the sun

I am amazed by the power of positive thinking. It sounds corny, right? Out of some new-agey workshop, which both draw me in and make me a little wary. But what I am talking about is what I see with my own eyes. 

I seem to surround myself with people who get exactly what they go for. I was raised with the idea that "if you set your mind to it, it will happen," and "you can do anything you want to do." My friends apparently got the same message, because I can't think of a single friend or person in my everyday life who is not exactly where they want to be. Set a goal. Work toward it. Achieve it. It's all in the thought process right? Each goal that has been achieved started as an idea, and small goals were set and achieved until the outcome they wanted has occurred.

"I've decided to move to NYC. But first I'm going to get a job." Really, how can you get a job without going to interviews and what not...what a negative girl I am, really, because my friend C. did get a job before moving to NYC, and then within 6 months she was living there in an apartment with her new job. Nevermind what the economy has changed since then, the girl always lands on her feet. Amazing.

After years of teaching, another friend wanted to go back to school to become an occupational therapist. She started school last fall, and is on her way to getting her advanced degree. 

Another friend wanted to move to Portland, but get a job first. She got it. She's there. 

Another friend wanted to rent a house in a nearby town before she had her baby. She needed a certain number of bedrooms and had a few other specifications. She's living there now, and moved in just a month before her baby was due.

Another wanted not just to be a pediatrician, but to be a pediatric cardiologist. Wow. She's doing it.

Law school...applications are in.

My hubby wanted to start a business with his boys...done.

So when this positive thinking gets you to your goals, why not stretch that idea? What about the power of prayer? Does a collective force of energy toward a certain goal change the outcome of a situation?  

Yesterday when I was on my way out of the gym parking lot, I saw the person in the car in front of me talking to the woman in the ticket booth. The person in the car reached their hand out and the woman took it, and the person in the car squeezed her hand. Then I drove up. The woman told me what she had just told the other person, that her daughter who is 34 years old is in the hospital getting surgery for the 4th time and that the doctors say her arteries are clogged more than anyone they've ever seen for her age. "We're asking everyone to pray for her." By telling each person she comes across, she's aiming to garner a collective prayer, because the force of positive energy can be very powerful, so if a lot of people are sending the same message, perhaps that message will be met. Is it possible? I pointed out a lot of positive results based on goals - but these are all very tangible goals with tangible outcomes. What about what you cannot know? If this woman's daughter recovers well (and I pray that she does), is it a result of common prayer, or a result of luck, or a result of having a good surgeon? Or all three? There is really no way to tell, right? Anything is possible. I certainly think it's possible, but I can't point out any example because there is no way to prove tangible results. But since it is possible, why not try? The same way being conscious of what I am grateful for makes me feel better all the way around, a conscious prayer in the direction of another person may change the dis-ease in their body. And since I'm on the subject, I may as well list a few things I'm grateful for.

~open spaces,

~positive people,

~clean rooms,

~organization,

~strangers who ask you to pray for them,

~strangers who say they'll pray for you (for no apparent reason),

~friends who remind me of all that is possible,

~parents who taught me that I can do anything I set my mind to (thanks mom, dad and Linda!).

By the way, today is my mom and aunt's birthday. They are twins. But not identical. Happy Birthday!