I haven't been here for so long. But it is fall again and I find myself warming to the idea of coming back home, so to speak...into the house more, yes, but also back to the comforts of home. We moved our dining table last week so suddenly our small space has opened up into a huge living area. Tristan is so happy to have more space...I don't even think he realizes how happy he seems at the wider space. Do you like it, I asked him. Yes, he said. But he sits in his little rocking chair, reading a book happily, rocking gently back and forth. I am surprised at how content he is to read on his own, even though of course he doesn't read words, just looks at pictures and surely remembers the story from an earlier reading, but he talks quietly to himself while reading and he is content. He is growing so fast. I miss him as a baby but of course wouldn't trade him back for anything. He wakes in the morning, full of ideas and things to say. Mommy? Do you know what I don't want daddy to do? I don't want him to burn any ropes. What? I ask. Do you remember, mommy, do you remember when we lived in the other house and he burned the end of that rope? Yes. I remember. To keep it from unraveling. But Tristan doesn't want daddy to do that again (did he have a dream? How and why did he suddenly remember this?) He tells his daddy this and daddy says, o.k., he won't do it again.

He is such a lovely and thoughtful boy. I am not nearly patient enough.

A surprise note from a very old friend has opened my heart. I am not the only one who reaches out on occasion, at the risk of seeming silly or overly emotional. I think that is why we were such good friends.

My lovely son seems to be getting scared of things, looking to daddy for protection. This makes me so sad. Of course I want to protect him from all fear. If I hug him enough, it should go away, but I know it won't.

tired now. sleep.

A moment to write...

I really miss writing on this blog! It has been so long. I had such a wonderful time last spring starting this blog and really caring for it. School has taken over my free time now and life has become so busy lately. We have moved and somehow, even though I am now sharing an office space with my hubby, I am blissfully happy here. This home that we have moved back into after a 16 month hiatus has welcomed us back with open arms. It loves us here. We can feel it. While the larger home we were in for that short while had its benefits, more space for example, this is where we belong. For now at least.

My sewing machine is on my desk, and I made two small things last week. First, a little holder for my phone out of a pair of wool plaid blue pants I got specifically for this project. I also made "woman's cloth." I figure, since we've moved to this space where there is virtually no yard, and therefore no more compost, I have to make up for that in other ways. I am attempting to go "green" in other ways. It sure feels weird now to throw my veggie waste into the trash...eesh. I am still using my homemade deodorant and using baking soda and water for shampoo, although I recently have decided I need to use a hair gel. My hair is too unruly without it and it looks shabby unless I washed it that day. So, for now I'm using Burt's Bees hair gel for men, for which there seems to be no info on the cosmetic safety website. But I did find a hair gel recipe where flax seeds are boiled in hot water, then it turns into a gel and you can add essential oils! That may be my next project!