a little bit of gold

"A miracle is simply a shift in perception. The more we align ourselves with the principles of love, the more empowered we become."

-Marianne Williamson, Everyday Grace

I was reading this book in the middle of one sleepless night recently, and this jumped off the page at me. Thought I'd share it.

genny

The beach blahs

tree of leaves - collage card scene -not the best repro here, but it is what it is. OOh, some blogger I read doesn't like that saying...who is it?

(sorry if this posted more than once!)

How is it possible to see ourselves as others see us?

It seems so obvious to me, when someone rubs me the wrong way that they should easily see what it is they do...that they have been rude or dismissive or unthoughtful. I want to say, "How can it be o.k. with you to be that way?" But seeing that I also occasionally make others feel the same way, and I don't see it about myself, surely others don't see these things in themselves either. How can we see ourselves more clearly, to put it bluntly, in order to be better people and be more loving to those we love? To see ourselves in the worst light and make positive changes? How can we even know sometimes, what we do? (And an important question along with this one: how do we do all of this without being too narcissistic?)

I think I need to remember what to be grateful for-

~a lovely vacation
~a son who is full of laughter and light
~a husband who is conscientious
~parents who live nearby
~a new appreciation for eating healthfully
~new fruit- it's always wonderful to try a whole food with a new taste never before sampled

A list of everything I'm grateful for never fails to give me a little lift.

-genny
ps. All of my questions are NOT rhetorical. Please share if you have wisdom or knowledge on this subject!

The power of positive thinking

geraniums reaching for the sun

I am amazed by the power of positive thinking. It sounds corny, right? Out of some new-agey workshop, which both draw me in and make me a little wary. But what I am talking about is what I see with my own eyes. 

I seem to surround myself with people who get exactly what they go for. I was raised with the idea that "if you set your mind to it, it will happen," and "you can do anything you want to do." My friends apparently got the same message, because I can't think of a single friend or person in my everyday life who is not exactly where they want to be. Set a goal. Work toward it. Achieve it. It's all in the thought process right? Each goal that has been achieved started as an idea, and small goals were set and achieved until the outcome they wanted has occurred.

"I've decided to move to NYC. But first I'm going to get a job." Really, how can you get a job without going to interviews and what not...what a negative girl I am, really, because my friend C. did get a job before moving to NYC, and then within 6 months she was living there in an apartment with her new job. Nevermind what the economy has changed since then, the girl always lands on her feet. Amazing.

After years of teaching, another friend wanted to go back to school to become an occupational therapist. She started school last fall, and is on her way to getting her advanced degree. 

Another friend wanted to move to Portland, but get a job first. She got it. She's there. 

Another friend wanted to rent a house in a nearby town before she had her baby. She needed a certain number of bedrooms and had a few other specifications. She's living there now, and moved in just a month before her baby was due.

Another wanted not just to be a pediatrician, but to be a pediatric cardiologist. Wow. She's doing it.

Law school...applications are in.

My hubby wanted to start a business with his boys...done.

So when this positive thinking gets you to your goals, why not stretch that idea? What about the power of prayer? Does a collective force of energy toward a certain goal change the outcome of a situation?  

Yesterday when I was on my way out of the gym parking lot, I saw the person in the car in front of me talking to the woman in the ticket booth. The person in the car reached their hand out and the woman took it, and the person in the car squeezed her hand. Then I drove up. The woman told me what she had just told the other person, that her daughter who is 34 years old is in the hospital getting surgery for the 4th time and that the doctors say her arteries are clogged more than anyone they've ever seen for her age. "We're asking everyone to pray for her." By telling each person she comes across, she's aiming to garner a collective prayer, because the force of positive energy can be very powerful, so if a lot of people are sending the same message, perhaps that message will be met. Is it possible? I pointed out a lot of positive results based on goals - but these are all very tangible goals with tangible outcomes. What about what you cannot know? If this woman's daughter recovers well (and I pray that she does), is it a result of common prayer, or a result of luck, or a result of having a good surgeon? Or all three? There is really no way to tell, right? Anything is possible. I certainly think it's possible, but I can't point out any example because there is no way to prove tangible results. But since it is possible, why not try? The same way being conscious of what I am grateful for makes me feel better all the way around, a conscious prayer in the direction of another person may change the dis-ease in their body. And since I'm on the subject, I may as well list a few things I'm grateful for.

~open spaces,

~positive people,

~clean rooms,

~organization,

~strangers who ask you to pray for them,

~strangers who say they'll pray for you (for no apparent reason),

~friends who remind me of all that is possible,

~parents who taught me that I can do anything I set my mind to (thanks mom, dad and Linda!).

By the way, today is my mom and aunt's birthday. They are twins. But not identical. Happy Birthday!

Gossip and Gratitude

In the movie Doubt, Philip Seymour Hoffman's character, a priest in a catholic church, gives a sermon on gossip, telling a story to illustrate his point. 

"A woman was gossiping with a friend about a man she hardly knew - I know none of you have ever done this - that night she had a dream. A great hand appeared over her and pointed down at her. She was immediately seized with an overwhelming sense of guilt. The next day she went to confession. She got the old parish priest, Father O'Rourke, and she told him the whole thing.

'Is gossiping a sin?' she asked the old man. 'Was that the hand of God Almighty pointing a finger at me? Should I be asking your absolution? Father, tell me, have I done something wrong?'

(Irish Brogue)

'Yes!' Father O'Rourke answered her. 'Yes, you ignorant, badly brought up female! You have borne false witness against your neighbor, you have played fast and loose with his reputation, and you should be heartily ashamed!'

So the woman said she was sorry and asked for forgiveness.

'Not so fast!' says O'Rourke. 'I want you to go home, take a pillow up on your roof, cut it open with a knife, and return here to me!'

So the woman went home, took a pillow off her bed, a knife from the drawer, went up the fire escape to the roof, and stabbed the pillow. Then she went back to the old parish priest as instructed.

'Did you gut the pillow with the knife?' he says.

'Yes Father.'

'And what was the result?'

'Feathers,' she said.

'Feathers?' he repeated.

'Feathers everywhere, Father!'

'Now I want you to go back and gather up every last feather that flew out on the wind!'

'Well,' she said, 'it can't be done. I don't know where they went. The wind took them all over.'

'And that,' said Father O'Rourke, 'is GOSSIP!'

In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, Amen."

I really heard this story. Gossip is one of those things I take part in but don't enjoy. It is alluring, an offer of camaraderie, a secret no one knows but you and one other. But not really. It doesn't feel good. It doesn't leave me feeling uplifted or inspired. But it's hard to stop. It's hard to cut off the person telling you the gossip for fear of hurting their feelings, and it's also hard to stop instigating the gossip because it has become somewhat of a habit. How does one break a bad habit? Cold turkey? 

This is where I begin to be conscious about my instigating gossip. When I write it down, I remember better. I better remember. 

Here is something: in January I started using a little ipod application on gratitude. Every day I would write down five or more things that I was grateful for. Gratitude seemed to inspire more gratitude, and I was surprised at all I was grateful for but didn't even realize it. This went on for about two weeks and then dissipated. During this time, I felt light and I didn't engage in gossip. Focusing on what I was grateful for left no room for petty things. 

So today, I am grateful for -

-my son's patience at 2 1/2. I have a lot to learn from this little guy.

-a lovely conversation I had with my husband last night as our son slept during our last hour of traveling home.

-being home again.

File this one under spirituality and healthy living. Really, what else could it be?

Happy New Year! No rooz Mobarak!

Happy New Year! Friday was March 20, the first day of spring. In our house this is a big deal - my husband is from Iran and the Persian New Year is the biggest celebration of the year. We made a haf-seen, which is an arrangement each family makes in their home with seven things that begin with the letter "S" - in Farsi. Each item (grass grown from grain, coins, mirror, goldfish, garlic, saffron, a hyacinth and other items that are placed in arrangement for beauty and enhancement) represents something, for instance, rebirth, bounties of the earth, a new start, beauty, light. It is a wonderful tradition and I enjoy the symbolism of it. I don't get as excited about it as my husband, but he doesn't get as excited about Christmas as I do either! Nevertheless it is a wonderful way to ring in the springtime and celebrate along with the trees and flowers and birds.

Yesterday we went to the farmers market in Davis and got some organic veggies. Not so unusual but we are on a kick since leaving Esalen and having been fed so wonderfully for 5 days. All organic veggies fresh from the garden and whole grains - brown rice, quinoa - at every meal. Great toppings and homemade dressings to choose from...mmmm...we were spoiled and came home with an abundance of energy and feeling great! We just want to continue this into our own lives with such a running head start. Keeping away from sugar and dairy is hard sometimes, but the payoff is wonderful when I'm able to do it.

This morning my son woke up yelling for me - he had had a bad dream about DINOSAURS!! Specifically T-Rex. He is afraid of T-Rex, and turns the pages of all books that have pictures of T-Rex. Long necks however, I'm thinking, Brachiosauruses and Brontosauruses, he likes and thinks are helpful. I attribute this to the book "The Littlest Dinosaur" by Michael Foreman. Great book for children. We have checked this book out from the library continuously for about 2 months. I'm afraid if one day we don't have it there might be some tears, but it is slowly going out of our reading circulation. The story idea has not and we are constantly talking about Mr. Long Neck saving -someone- by pulling them out of the mud. Anyway, whenever Tristan is scared he holds his tummy as if to show where the fear is! Amazing...I told someone about this at the Gangaji retreat and they said that's where fear comes from - the solar plexus (if I'm remembering correctly).

It's Sunday and we took our almost ritual family walk - along the river this time - and saw so many beautiful wildflowers! I never knew such beauty could proliferate along a polluted river! Tristan got his train tracks too, although not the train ride unfortunately. The track was under construction, hopefully a sign of infrastructure dollars at work? Some wildflowers we picked and Tristan with his daddy.

Clear windows and Crafty Mamas

clothesline

This past week at Esalen in Big Sur, my hubby, son and I got a chance to rest and play. Tristan enjoyed the meadow, the ocean, the expansive organic garden and the Gazebo school while I got a chance to hang out all by myself for the first time since before he was born. One day I volunteered to work in the garden (not a selfless act, I love to garden occasionally, especially now that I don't have my own)! Two of the days had morning pranayama (breath) and yoga classes, which I thankfully took part in. Thomas was the teacher and at one point in the class he talked about how conscious breathing was like a window, and if you paid attention you could really see things - everything around you - clearly. I'm paraphrasing there, so it might not be exactly what he said, but it was very clear in that moment, and I was breathing consciously and seeing everything quite clearly at that moment. What a wonderful moment! Nothing in front of me, nothing behind me, just right there. I love being a mom but it does make for a very busy mind!

A week or so before leaving for Big Sur I got my new copy of Mothering magazine where I read a great article about crafty mamas! I began to look at these women's blogs and was hit again with inspiration...and a little envy! How I wished I could whip up something as quick as the Soule Mama and Angry Chicken moms can! Anyway, it inspired me to make a little wrap-around-skirt with a great fabric of colorful umbrellas hemmed with a forest green grosgrain ribbon. My first effort - not bad. I'm lucky to have been raised by a mom who grew up sewing her own clothes (even her own wedding dress!) and spent some time with me during my youth teaching me a little about how to use a sewing machine. I got my own machine while I was pregnant hoping to finish a quilt I started working on. I finished all the cutting but by the time I was done, I was 6 months pregnant and my hands were crippled with pregnancy carpal-tunnel, and I just couldn't finish...someday though! Looking at these women's blogs daily though, gives me further inspiration for what may someday become a master's project, or at least somehow incorporated: the history of women's handwork (in the United States). Lots of women bringing this back into vogue - through expression of creativity and sometimes necessity these days, I am so excited to research this topic. Someday soon hopefully...

On your mark...

well, I guess I should start by saying how excited I was to come up with "gennysent page" - it's my first name, middle initial and first 3 letters of my last name "genny s. ent" and "page,"which is obvious. Rhymes with "the innocent age." Innocent being this time in life where my son Tristan, 27 months, is and hopefully will remain for quite some time! "The Innocent Age" also refers to Edith Wharton's book of same title, a nod to fiction, which I love to read, and also a nod to history, which I can't get enough of. I will hopefully start school again in the fall to finish a masters in Public History. Part of the reason I've started this blog is because of the ideas I am coming up with in the areas of history I am most interested in, mainly material history: the history of things - that which you can lay your hands on, the physical evidence of time past/passed. At the moment I am in the middle of a creative explosion which came upon suddenly in the form of one of those materials: paper.

I've always loved paper, to touch fine paper, write on it with a good pen and now, as this creative endeavor has been going, to draw on it and cut it out and paste it onto cardstock in the form of something. A couch and lamp, a vase of flowers upon a table over a persian carpet, a dining room table and chairs, zoo animals, clothes hanging from a clothesline, and on and on...Initially this started because my friend Felicia sent out postcards of collage art every Chinese New Year with that year's animal. During a trip to Amsterdam last May at a sweet little brunch cafe there was some wall art of a cut-out tree with many leaves, each leaf separate and placed individually onto the wall like wallpaper. These two things started the idea, as well as falling in love with the chiyogami paper at the art store...

I have one son whom I love more than words can say, as all mothers love their children. I'm also crazy about my hubby who I've been with for 9 years. We had/have a mutual love of travel, which hasn't seemed to dissipate even with a young child. I find myself in the unique?, lucky?, position of traveling often and occasionally far, as my husband follows his teacher, Gangaji, from place to place. This took us to Amsterdam in May, took him to Vancouver, B.C. in July, and we took an East Coast trip to Boston, Berkshires and NYC last September when Gangaji was at the Kripalu Institute in Lenox, Massachusetts. Yesterday, we returned from Esalen in Big Sur, California, where Gangaji had satsang that my hubby attended. Tristan had his first hours away from mom (or, I should say, mom had her first hours away from Tristan) as he played intently with other children and teachers at the Gazebo school. And mom, yes, yo, got to have some serious down time. The first in over 2 and a half years. You are doing the math with the 27 months there, I can tell, so let me just ask, is it really possible to relax when you are past 6 months pregnant?