Panic subsiding...

bridge at Japanese Gardens, Portland, Oregon

When I was 21, I looked ahead and saw a long decade and a long life, stretched out before me. I was perfectly happy to be 21 and didn't see any reason to get any older...we all know how that turned out.

About a month ago, I was swimming in a pool and I looked around at the other people, both young and old, and suddenly I felt a wave of panic...I was going to be 35 in a month. Had I done all I wanted to do on this side of 70? Certainly not, but my time had filled in as it had, and there was nothing I could do about it now. But was I satisfied? Content? Even, dare I say, happy? Yes, yes and yes. While the wave of panic, which I decided was a little glimpse of the "middle age crisis" that supposedly hits at about 40, slowly subsided, I remembered that all I have is this moment. Judging my past or worrying about my future won't change anything in that moment, and in that moment, I realized I had all I could ever dream of in my life, so yes, I was happy and I am happy.

I turn 35 today, half way to 70. I don't feel like I've lived 35 years, but when I think about my very earliest memories, they do seem very long ago. I have a wonderful, sweet, fun husband, an adorable, rascally 2 1/2 year old, a caring family, wonderful friends, creative outlets, daily inspiration, beauty all around, health and healthy choices, delicious food, a willingness to make changes and a gorgeous view when I come to sit in my little office on mornings like this, before the sun rises. Is everything perfect? Heck no, but I don't think it's supposed to be.

Or maybe it is - just perfect for me.

Inspiration

If any of you read my very first post back in March, you'd know that a big reason I started this blog was due to the inspiration I received after reading about Amanda Blake Soule's blog in that month's issue of Mothering Magazine. So it was interesting what occurred yesterday, as I was catching up on reading some blogs and got a chance to read a little interview between Heather at Beauty That Moves, a blog I love, and Amanda at Soulemama. Both are lovely, creative women who have wonderful blogs that I enjoy reading. I was so engrossed in the interview that I continued to read the comments posted afterward. So many wonderful comments, but one thread stood out to me. A woman had written something that seemed a little resentful of Amanda, perhaps of her life in general. Amanda took the comment in stride, and responded in a way that looked at the comment as a question. Another reader responded to the woman's comment as well, bringing up some wonderful points - if I can translate into my own words -Amanda's blog is read consistently by so many people because it is consistently thoughtful, real and good. Her output takes a tremendous effort on her part, and certainly, she did not get to where she is without hard work. Reading the two women's comments made me realized how I felt after reading the interview, that which compelled me to continue reading into the comments: inspired. And I think this is why so many of us read her blog. It is truly inspiring.


We can choose to look at other people's lives and be jealous and resentful, or we can turn that around and allow other people to be sources of inspiration. On this note, I just want to say how grateful I am for all of the friends I've made in this "sphere" of my life since March. Nicole, Michelle, Nicola, Jodi, Pennie and Kyndale, thank you for your wonderful blogs and thank you for inspiring me every day!

Gazpacho!

yellow and orange tomatoes from our garden!

Gazpacho Soup - the quick, easy, delicious way

6 tomatoes, blanched and cored, coarsely chopped

1 medium red bell pepper, coarsely chopped

1 large cucumber, peeled and chopped (you can gut the seeds if you want, but I never do)

1-4 cloves of garlic (depending how spicy you like it!), cut into quarters

1 medium red onion, coarsely chopped

1/4 cup balsamic vinegar

1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil

salt and pepper

a squeeze of fresh lemon (the juice from about 1/4 lemon should do it!)

1/2 jalepeno, chopped (optional. I didn't use this, the garlic made it spicy enough for me!)

In a food processor (or blender, in my case), put in tomatoes, peppers, cucumbers, garlic, onion, balsamic vinegar, extra virgin olive oil, lemon, salt and pepper (and jalepeno, if using). Blend until fairly smooth, but leave some texture! Taste. Good? Chill for an hour or so. Then eat...or forget the chilling. Just eat.

By the way, I've made this several times, and I had a better tasting soup when I used a variety of medium and cherry tomatoes than the larger, watery tomatoes. The more flavorful the tomato, the more it seems to pack a delicious taste-punch.

And just to give credit where credit is due, my step-mom gave me the basis for this recipe, telling me that what really makes it delicious is the olive oil! I think she's right!

Going Green Gradually update - washrags

climbing flowers - Kauai

My aunt is pretty good at hand work. Did I mention that before? Anything I could ever want to do, she would be the go-to-girl . Between her and my mom, pretty much everything is covered. How lucky is that? Master craftspeople at my fingertips. I'm bragging now. And she might balk at the term, but you get the idea. Even the simplest things, I ask about. Like what kind of yarn to use if I wanted to crochet my own wash rags? I am just about done with the synthetic sponges I bought in bulk last year, and am thinking I won't buy them again. I know I can purchase these on Etsy, but come on now, I can make these (I'm guessing I'm not the only one who says this to herself!) 

When I was growing up, I had a lovely woman as my babysitter, but she became more like a Grandma. She was wonderfully loving and affectionate and kind. I'd like to say I learned as much from her as I did my own mother, and certainly more than any of my grandparents, who all lived in a day's drive away in southern California. I called her Grammy. When I was little, her lap was about the most comfortable spot in the whole house. From her, I learned about living with only a washing machine, no dryer, and hanging up the laundry on a line to dry, about scheduled meals, four o'clock crackers and grapefruit juice with vodka (good for the blood), homemade candy, the song of mockingbirds, and crocheted washrags. It was the only time I saw her do any type of handwork. She would wear out her kitchen washrag and would need another one. Crocheting merely served her as a practical use. 

So, not having had the foresight to ask Grammy herself (who passed away in '92, God bless her), my aunt Sheila had the answer. 100% cotton was best, she said. Several weeks later, I asked again just to remind myself. "Just a minute," was all she said as she walked into her room, re-emerging with these two lovely washrags she crocheted for me.

Yesterday, I confessed to her that I was having a hard time using them, they were so beautiful. "I knew you would," she told me.

In the picture there is my one and only Brandywine tomato that made it. The only one that came out at all. I think our weather isn't suited for these types of tomatoes. My hubby picked it late at night and thought it had ripened completely, but it hadn't. I had dreams about that tomato...well, I'll still partially fulfill them. 

Next post will be a delicious recipe for Gazpacho soup (but this tomato pictured is not slaughter-bound. It is going between two slices of yummy bread with some basil).

Going Green Gradually update - deodorant

homemade deodorant

Yesterday I finally did it. I've been thinking about it for so long, knowing I wanted to do it. So overwhelmed with the task of...buying the right ingredients. I made my own deodorant. I am quite pleased with the results. Not too difficult either...shea butter, cocoa butter, and two that I already have on hand - baking soda and corn starch. I had Lavender essential oil but I bought Sweet Orange to add to it. I have leftovers of everything but the cocoa butter which I bought very cheaply in bulk- the exact amount I needed. I originally saw this recipe over at Angry Chicken.

3 Tbs. Shea Butter

3 Tbs. Baking Soda

2 Tbs. Corn Starch

2 Tbs. Cocoa Butter

2 Vitamin E oil gel caps - (which I did not use, but I can see this would probably emulsify it more, although I don't have a problem with just rubbing a little-it warmed up pretty quickly and easily)

lots of essential oil (I used 20 Lavender drops and 10 orange and I can barely smell it. I don't think I can smell the orange at all. Next time I will add a little more. The overwhelming smell though, for me at least, is the cocoa butter, which is heavenly in itself.)

Wore it yesterday, was perfect, didn't get oily, didn't dry out my skin, and best of all, in the middle of August? I didn't have the scent of summer. If you know what I mean. Actually, best of all, I don't have to wonder about some of the unpronounceable ingredients as in my previous deodorant. I wouldn't be surprised if this became part of my handmade Christmas gifts to friends and family (for those who I think might like it). I also realized how easy it would be to make a lip balm or a nice lotion, maybe with just a slight variation of this recipe.

-genny

A highlight day

Kalapaki Bay, Kauai, July 2009

Kauai, July 29th, 2009

Today we went on a lovely little day trip. We arrived at Kilohana Plantation for a train ride at 10 a.m. and rode around the old plantation, one of the last working sugar plantations on the island. They are currently using most of the land that still remains as part of the Plantation to grow crops to see what grows best, which they will then sell at a Farmer's Market that will be run from the Plantation. Sounds like a good use of the land to me.

In the middle of the trip we stopped to feed some wild pigs and goats and one sheep. Some of the train riders continued on their ride while a small group of us stayed with our guide, Kai, who had us spray down with bug spray (wish I'd brought my own!), grab a walking stick made from mango wood and head down a rainforest path to the valley of the island. Along the way we saw several lovely kinds of ginger. One was a honeycomb ginger that when you rubbed your hand on, made your skin smell of ginger...sweet! 

There was beautiful plantlife but Kai said 95% of the growth on the island was non-native, and he pointed out one example, a huge mango tree that was becoming strangled by a banyan tree. Despite the sadness surrounding the idea that much of what we were looking at was not Hawaii but more an idea of Hawaii, and that native plants are going extinct, it was a lovely, lovely hike. Along they way there was fruit on the ground that I'd never seen...orange in color, the shape of a papaya but smaller. I asked Kai about it and he said it was called a papaya passionfruit. He was able to pick a ripe one hanging from a tree for me. When I opened it it looked just like a passionfruit (which is like a watery, jello-y orange mass with dark seeds all in it, kind of just sitting in the middle of the cavity of its shell...it looks a little strange but it is delicious) and tasted slightly different but had the same texture.

We ended our hike where it began, where the train left us, and had a picnic lunch provided by the tour. Kai then took us across a meadow into the orchard, where we got to sample several exotic fruits: lychee, longan and fresh pineapple. We also saw many mango trees, sugar cane, some citrus (which I was surprised to see...doesn't it need to be cold sometimes in order for citrus to grow well?? And when we sampled it, it didn't have the right texture...too hard) and cashews...which you cannot eat until you boil because it is in the same family as poison oak and ivy. It is attached to a red fruit that is edible, but we didn't get a chance to sample it. We foraged for ourselves and came home with several of these, including a contraband pineapple that Hoss snuck into my backpack...we'll eat it before we leave here though! 

After this little adventure we headed to the big Farmer's Market of the week in Kapa'a. Fueled and inspired by our orchard visit, we stocked up on mango, papaya, passionfruit, limes, basil, greens, small purple onions, tomatoes, puree (like a mango), figs (!), finger bananas, apple bananas, coconut fresh from the shell (drinken with a straw straight from the shell and then chopped up for eating)and finally bread from a local bakery. All the produce is Kauai grown and very fresh. We will be eating from our room for the last few days of our trip. We go a little nuts around fresh fruits and veggies. Especially my hubby...mainly my hubby.

Any leftovers will go to our taxi driver, Bill, who has been carting us around and telling us about the island since just after we arrived. He is a New York native and moved here with his wife recently after having visited Kauai many times since their honeymoon here in the early '70's.

For me at least, today was the highlight of our trip. Tristan did great on our little hike (out of three children on the hike, he was the youngest and the only one who didn't cry!)

This was a great trip. Something about being in Hawaii, or at least Kauai, loosens your muscles and relaxes you.  The hunched shoulders I get at home disappear, as though the ocean, wind and beautiful views just massage them right out.

-genny

I posted several more pictures to my flickr account...if you want to see them.

(there were no leftovers save a few yet to ripen passionfruit! I can't believe how much produce we consumed in such a short period of time. Especially mangoes. Counteracted by lots of bread ; )

The beach blahs

tree of leaves - collage card scene -not the best repro here, but it is what it is. OOh, some blogger I read doesn't like that saying...who is it?

(sorry if this posted more than once!)

How is it possible to see ourselves as others see us?

It seems so obvious to me, when someone rubs me the wrong way that they should easily see what it is they do...that they have been rude or dismissive or unthoughtful. I want to say, "How can it be o.k. with you to be that way?" But seeing that I also occasionally make others feel the same way, and I don't see it about myself, surely others don't see these things in themselves either. How can we see ourselves more clearly, to put it bluntly, in order to be better people and be more loving to those we love? To see ourselves in the worst light and make positive changes? How can we even know sometimes, what we do? (And an important question along with this one: how do we do all of this without being too narcissistic?)

I think I need to remember what to be grateful for-

~a lovely vacation
~a son who is full of laughter and light
~a husband who is conscientious
~parents who live nearby
~a new appreciation for eating healthfully
~new fruit- it's always wonderful to try a whole food with a new taste never before sampled

A list of everything I'm grateful for never fails to give me a little lift.

-genny
ps. All of my questions are NOT rhetorical. Please share if you have wisdom or knowledge on this subject!