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Karma, karma and ouch!-Karma!

Several days ago I was walking out of the gym and had to cross a driveway into a parking lot. A woman in her car whizzed past me headed into the parking lot, cutting me off. Not having a choice, I stopped and waited for her to go. After she passed, I went in the door of the parking garage's pedestrian entrance, down the stairs and then headed off to get my car. As I was walking toward my car, I saw this woman again, looking for a place to park. She again crossed in front of me and turned down the aisle where my car was parked. I got to my car and got in. I realized that if that woman hadn't cut me off back up on the street, I would have gotten to my car before she had passed it, and started it in time for her to at least see my lights, and she would have been able to park there. I'm sure she eventually found her spot much further away, but I couldn't help but think of how karma had come into play instantly for her. Sometimes karma works in very obvious, literal and instant ways, and sometimes it's subtle, not so obvious, and takes longer. The most interesting historical karma I can think of involves Ronald Reagan. Remember back when he was saying "I don't remember," during the whole Iran-contra issue? Later, he literally became unable to remember when he got Alzeimers. Certainly I'm not saying he was being punished - this is simply a cautionary tale - be careful what you ask for and what you do, because karma is very real - in my family, we might say "the karma gods are listening."

Yesterday, a homeless man handed me a card that said, "I am a deaf person." I didn't read the rest. I didn't have money on my person and my son was sitting at a table on a busy street on a Friday night and to get up and get money would have meant leaving him alone, not something I was willing to do. So I just shook my head and said I didn't have anything for him. Now, had I gotten him money, maybe it would have helped him get a coffee or a bite to eat or what not. But what I failed to give him was not money, it was compassion. I didn't look into his eyes. Initially I did when he handed me the card, and that's when I saw the sadness mixed with anger there and I couldn't look back. There is some sort of fear that we as individuals face when we have to literally look into the eye of our own humanity and say something with words or not. And that fear is sometimes too great. My step-mom doesn't seem to have this problem. On several occasions I've seen her look directly and intently into the eyes of a homeless man or woman and with great compassion she will shake her head in regret or reach into her purse for something to give. What is the fear for me? I'm still working on that. After the man walked away I was awash in sadness for him. It wasn't the homelessness per se, but the added burden of being deaf. I have a moderate hearing loss myself and know how lonely it can be when you can't hear everything going on around you, and this man couldn't hear anything, so I could only imagine how lonely he must have felt.

My own shortcomings and regret is what I am left with this morning. Is this my karma? Only time will tell. I'm not a perfect person and we all have our individual crosses to bear, as my mom would say. I write this on my blog because one of the reasons I started this blog was to be more open and not keep so many things to myself. I tend to compartmentalize different parts of my life, keeping things separate. I could write something else this morning with all of this burning on my mind, but that would be false, because what is on my mind needs to be what I write about. File this under "Spirituality and hopeful growth."

Have a great Easter weekend.
Love, Genny
PS. I realize that I said Happy Easter last Sunday. My mistake. There were so many easter egg hunts around town I just assumed it was easter without looking at the calendar. Obviously, I'm not Catholic.

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