In several of Dr. Sears' books, he's the well-known attachment-parenting writer/doctor/guru, he writes about the coming together of the personality of the child and the personality of the parent, and how certain personalities will come together in harmony, and others will clash and the relationship will be more difficult. This may be the case in our family, but I feel there are three unique things our family has that contribute to Tristan's behavior, whether it be good or not. The first: my husband. He is 19 years my senior and has the benefit of having parented two boys already who are in their twenties. This gives him experience that many people don't already have. I am so lucky that he brings that to his parenting skills. He balances us out - lord knows I would have much less patience if it weren't for his reminding me to chill out when the occasion calls for it.
The second thing is: my husband. He is very complimentary toward me and very encouraging. He thinks I'm a good mom! How sweet is that? His faith in me only spurs joy in my interaction with Tristan, and this seems to pour over into Tristan's personality. A child who receives joy is also joyful - at least that's how it seems. My observation is that when Tristan is happy he is more willing to listen and pay attention. When I am in a bad mood or a "no" mood, that also transfers over to him. He seems to become less willing to say "yes" and certainly he's not as pleasant to be with!
The third thing is: my husband. He works at home most of the time and Tristan sees him often throughout the day - this is just luck. It's probably like having two stay-at-home parents, except that he knows that much of the time when daddy is in his office, he can't be bothered. Tristan seriously has no idea how lucky he has it, and telling him does us no good. In a way it ups the ante - we have to be even more ingenious in coming us with soothers or distractions, since seeing one of us isn't "special," because he sees both of us all the time.
My son is NOT well-behaved all the time - by any means. Politeness is important to me so I emphasize it with him many times every day, and it seems to be working. He is a high-spirited boy and our personalities fit that well, as Dr. Sears talks about. He has a lot of energy and we also seem to have a lot of energy. My husband also doesn't engage in "pissing contests" with Tristan, making an issue out of something that could be resolved without issue. He brings tremendous heart and knowledge to the table of parenting and without him, surely, it would be a different story. Hats off to my hubby - he'll hate that I wrote this. He hates to be singled out. Oh well. He's a Leo - it's gonna happen from time to time.
Happy Monday!
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1 comment:
I marvelled at Tristan when we were over for dinner. There he sat on his chair (on some phone books, I think) eating his meal. He was not strapped down, strait-jacket style in some crappy high chair. I'm thinking of ditching Gianna's formidable, prison-like chair in exchange for a little chair and table. If she's hungry, she'll eat and not amble away.
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